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- Those with serious back problems
- Those subject to sickness after excessive cumin consumption
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Welcome to the excessive thrill ride that is the blog that chronicles my life. Not. But don't you think my introduction was rather sparkling with creativity?
This past week was indeed, awesome. Mom and Dad finally went off to Costa Rica on their long anticipated "second honeymoon" trip. Do you remember ever contemplating, as a child, how gloriously liberating and incredibly fun it would be for your parents and everyone else to go away, just for a little bit? To be able to do whatever you wanted, no restrictions, make as much noise as you pleased, read as many books as you cared to, completely ignore chores and responsibility ...No? Ok, you're lying. This past week, I've experienced, in reality, that secret longing. And, I'm happy to say that I've made a life-changing discovery. Small children have a severely underdeveloped intellect, and are therefore incapable of having perspective. I have to admit, the novelty of the first day was fun, I enjoyed it. By the second day, though, I was worried. How were the kidders doing while I was at school. What was Grandma feeding them for lunch. Did Katie forget to pack clean underwear and church shoes. Plus, I had a veritable mountain of homework to deal with. I've diagnosed myself as having a chronic disease...it's called aging. I was surprised, nay, shocked. I thought I was incapable of growing up. They should come up with a drug to fix this...Peter Panicillin. But, I digress, and you're probably half-asleep from reading my rambling.
Mom and Dad had left on Tuesday, and by Thursday, my siblings were dispersed amongst various family members.
The first night they were gone, Jimmy and I were sitting on the couch talking, when it struck us. The noise of....silence. It was quite an experience. We sat there in awe for a good ten minutes, appreciating the uniqueness.
Tuesday, I had sent Rachie an e-mail, all but begging (actually, I might have done a wee bit of begging...ok, a lot) the Stevens family to have Jimmy and I over. It worked so well, I'm thinking about becoming a homeless person, part time. They agreed to have us spend the night on Saturday, and take us to Church on Sunday. Tragically, Jimmy found himself drowning in a flood of school work, so he was unable to come. Saturday morning, bright and early at one 'o clock, Rach and Drew arrived to pick me up.
Very shortly after being welcomed into their home, I was made aware of a disturbing, and dangerous fact. The Stevens Family has amassed a frighteningly large collection of pictures. Abominable, atrocious, highly unflattering pictures of a great many people, the most appalling of which featured me. As a guest in their home, I had a difficult time disguising my horror. Can you imagine the behemothic amount of sheer blackmailing potential contained within a single hardrive? It was positively mind-boggling! I was duly impressed. A word to the wise: Don't be fooled by their warm, hospitable, generally lovable exterior. You can all thank me for exposing this potential threat at your earliest convenience. An unpretentious amount of monetary compensation bestowed in gratefulness would be appropriate, in this situation, considering what a dreadful fate I've saved you from. If you fail to comply with my request, I shall be tempted to join the Stevens in their unsavory blackmailing endeavors.
Speaking of temptation, I fell into it a good deal too frequently while at their house. I shamefully admit to gossiping about my co-workers, and various church members. Rachel, on the other hand, was an exemplary pillar of Christianity. She consistently read her Bible with an alacrity that would have astonished Jonathan Edwards. Andrew and Timmy demonstrated an unsettling inclination towards get-rich-quick schemes, most of which failed magnificently. Paul and Kyle distinguished themselves by being marginally productive. Kyle, near the very end, just managed to edge out the competition. While Becca, the perpetual recipient of monetary contributions, ministered to the Asiatic people, on account of their having especially adorable babies. Yes, yes, you're completely right. We played Missionary Conquest. And, as usual, Becca won.
The game itself was simple, and similar to Monopoly, a ratio of 7 parts luck to 1 part skill. (Sorry, Becks, I have to agree with Drew here. ) Most of the enjoyment comes from being as irritating as you possibly can to the other players, while you are stuck in "Bad Stewardship." The guys have perfected this to the point where it's become an art. Kyle and Drew, especially, are true masters.
We played "Pit", for a while, but soon decided it wasn't loud enough.
Then, I taught everyone how to play Kemps. It's a very competitive card game that involves a good deal more strategy than luck. The point of the game is to collect 4 cards of the same kind, and then flash "the sign" to your partner. "The sign" can be absolutely anything. When the sign gets flashed to a team member, he/she yells out "Kemps!" But, if you've been paying close attention to your opponents, you can steal their point by yelling "Contra-Kemps!" I've played it so often, and in so many different ways, that I horribly botched up the rules, but it was still tons of fun.
I tried to divide the teams up fairly evenly, but in the end, my competitive streak got the best of me, and I paired myself up with Rach, giving us a subtle advantage. At first, it wasn't nearly as subtle as I had hoped. I'd underestimated our natural talent, because we were absolutely puréeing the opposing teams. Oh, it was a thing of beauty! Kyle and Timmy conspired with Andrew and Becca; they compensated for their losses admirably by rigging the game a few times while Rach and I were out making up a new sign. The guys had WAY too much fun with one of the rules. Or rather, non-rule. In Kemps, it's perfectly legal to cheat, by peeking over at your opponent's cards. Kyle made good use of this by appointing Timmy as his designated cheater. For a while, Timmy's utmost priority was to peek over at everyone's cards and get points by cheating. Now, I consider myself a fairly decent human being. On principle, I wasn't about to peek at little Timmy's cards, and therefore had no idea that he pretty much knew every card in my hand! But, since everyone else was piteously far behind, Rachel and I won the first game.
By the second round, everyone had familiarized themselves with the game, and the "cheating" was down to a science. Their strategy was genius in it's simplicity. It became Rach and I contra universum mundum. (The Latin was to make sure you were awake.) They ALL ganged up on us! It was actually hilariously entertaining. Kyle would randomly say something nonsensical like "I like green bananas!" or "I love purple pumpkins!" That would really throw us off. Just when we thought he'd really lost it by saying something genuinely absurd, Timmy would urgently yell out "Kemps!", and they'd win the point. (Remember, anything can be a sign) It quickly became ridiculous, so Drew and Becca joined in. Interjections like, "Penguins fly south!" and "Pears!" or "Apples!" were not out of place. At one point, there was a lull in the game, and Drew yelled "Moose!" And, for some reason, I FELL for it. Hook, line, and STINKER! It was terrible. That really sent everyone into hysterics. In all the confusion, Drew and Becca, miraculously, won.
Kemps was becoming a tad too competitive. At times we were swapping cards in complete silence, eyeing each other suspiciously while desperately clutching at our cards, paranoid that someone was "cheating." We made a half-hearted attempt at playing Spoons. (Personally, I have yet to appreciate Spoons as a game that people could enjoy wasting time playing...)
So, we moved on to Round Robin. That was highly entertaining. Since most of the guys are too good, no one really presents any recognizable competition. Rachie, Becca and I fixed that by making them play left-handed. That was marginally better. Rach and I had something to prove. Last year, Kyle and Drew had beaten us soundly (left-handed!) when we played Racquetball. So, naturally, I took this opportunity to exact some semblance of revenge. I did end up winning, once or twice.
Since it was just about dinner time, Rach, Becca, and I ditched the game and went inside to help with the cooking. Mrs. Stevens asked me to make some oven-roasted broccoli. Lamentably, I added an excessive amount of cumin, instead of paprika, which made for some severely over-spiced Broccoli. It wasn't terrible, as much as it was fascinatingly overpowering. Hopefully no one hates cumin because of me. I didn't give anyone indigestion, on account of the fact that cumin is good for the digestive system...supposedly.
After dinner, we played "Silent Tag" at the park. The person who was "it" would appear from out of nowhere, and since it was dark, I got spooked for no reason quite often. Mostly what happens is that Kyle and Drew take turns tagging each other so that they can chase Becca around. It's the funniest thing. The hardest part is commandeering a good vantage point, to enjoy the show. Becca's pretty fast, and when they do eventually catch up to her, they're usually laughing too hard to do anything except tap her and yell "No tagbacks!"
Too soon it was time to go, and we ran home. Well, one-quarter of the way home. There were a few people up late, and they saw us. I can only imagine how weird it must have been for them. What do you do when all of the sudden, while you're relaxing and enjoying the evening in front of your house, a large group of young people comes tearing out of nowhere across the street from you? Ordinarily, you yell at them. I forget what it was they said, exactly. Everyone heard something else. The general consensus was that it sounded like "You can do it!"
We had some apple pie, when we came home, and then we went to bed, because it was getting pretty late.
HA! Like Becca, Rach and I would actually waste a perfectly good evening sleeping. How absurd. I can't believe you fell for that. In reality, we stayed up until....hmm, something tells me this should be filed under "classified information". Since the following day was Sunday, we decided to exercise a modicum of restraint because no one wanted to look like a partially electrocuted raccoon in the morning.
Sunday was an encouraging day, as always. It was especially fun because a lot of people played volleyball. That, for me, made it the perfect ending to an already incredibly fun weekend. Thank you, Stevens family, for putting up with me! (Oh, and Becks, would you mind giving me back the jar of vitamin C powder I left at your house? ) :-)
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"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
— C.S. Lewis
